As business owners, it’s probably natural to want to control every element of our organizations. After all, control is part of human nature—as one studies noted, “evidence from animal research, clinical trials, and neuroimaging work suggests that the need for control is a biological imperative for survival”.
Having some level of control over your business is essential. You can’t just stand by completely and have zero input into how it works. I learned the hard way that giving up too much control backfires and sets you up for failure. Give up too much control and responsibility can fall on the shoulders of people who shouldn’t have it. But the opposite side of the spectrum – trying to constantly take complete control of every element of your business – is just as bad in my opinion. When you’re constantly trying to control every detail of your business, it’s less likely that your employees will have the space they need to do their jobs well. On the other hand, your business may suffer. The key is the balance between taking control and giving it up.
As a disclaimer, I am not a mental health professional. I approach this topic with my observations and experiences. In an effort to unlearn that I was not in control, I had to navigate my way to not end up on the other side of the spectrum. For me, the idea of this middle ground is a work in progress. Something that has helped me stay on track is a key lesson from 12 step community where I come from, which means we don’t have control over everything, but we do have control over how we behave.
If you’re a business owner who’s too far down the spectrum of taking control, there are a few steps you can take to change course and find a middle ground. The goal should not be to run a chaotic business. I don’t believe that chaos is the opposite of control. Rather, I believe that not needing control is the opposite of control, and that should be the goal.
1. Assess your tendencies
In my opinion, the first step to letting go of the desire to always be in complete control is to evaluate your tendencies. In my experience, the “checklist” of how control usually manifests itself in business is the need to always be right, to implement only your ideas, to impose your way of doing things on others, and to have emotional reactions to situations.
In contrast, I’ve found that people who don’t need complete control operate differently in the business world. they don’t have big egos. They are good listeners who value people’s opinions and understand that their way of doing something is not necessarily the right way to do something. They value the input of others and are not threatened by differing opinions.
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You can assess your tendencies through self-reflection, talking to trusted friends and family members, confiding in a mentor, or talking to a therapist.
2. Get to the bottom of your need for control
Once you evaluate your tendencies, I believe you should get to the bottom of your need for control. According to PsychCentralthe desire for control may be rooted in a fear of uncertainty. Plus therapist Noelle McWard he wrote in Psychology today: “Control, or rather the attempt to be in control, is a form of anxiety. It’s rooted in a default and often unconscious belief or feeling that ‘I’m not going to be okay’ or ‘Things aren’t going to be okay’.”
Look inside yourself to uncover what might be behind your need for control. As in the previous step, you can also talk to trusted friends and family members, sit down with a mentor, or talk things over with a therapist. You may realize that you may want to be in control because you are worried about your reputation or fear of failure. Whatever the reason, it’s valuable to understand and acknowledge that it’s okay to feel the way you do, but that trying to gain more control isn’t necessarily the answer.
3. Start de-prioritizing taking control – and realize that change takes time
The final step is to deprioritize the takeover. This is easier said than done, but I believe small steps can make a big difference. For example, if you usually find yourself shutting down ideas that your employees bring to the table, you can make a mental note not to immediately respond to ideas when you hear them, and instead just listen. Or, if you realize that you tend to want your team members to approach specific tasks your way, you can decide to take a step back (start with one task) and see the results of your employees doing things their way.
When trying to make changes, consider seeking outside help, such as a mentor or therapist, to guide you through the process. Additionally, keep in mind that change takes time. It is impossible to go from wanting to be in full control all the time to finding a balance between too much and too little control overnight. But step by step, you can make changes that I believe will make you and your team happier and more productive in the long run.